Longing for the Good Old Days!

Olivia caught me off guard the other night while we were sitting next to each other in my bed, me on my laptop, Olivia watching TV.  I was trolling through Facebook, not paying attention to what was happening on the TV when my girl asked me about a commercial that she’d just seen.  “Mom, what’s that stuff?” I looked up and asked, “What are you talking about?”  She went on the describe one of those annoying KY Jelly commercials that air all times of the day.  I feigned ignorance, and continued staring at my computer screen.  A few days later we were sitting on the couch and the same commercial came on and Miss Olivia pointed it out, reminding me that this was the commercial she was talking about the other night.   I didn’t want t lie, so I simply told her I wasn’t sure what KY Jelly was and I’d have to look it up. I promised to get back to her when I found out.

Back in the ‘70s when I was a kid, you never would’ve caught a sexual lubricant commercial on television before 10pm, or better yet, it probably would have never hit the airwaves at all.   I often find myself longing for those good old days, when it seemed easier to shield children from the overt sexualized, dysfunctional, coded messages flooding our airwaves.  I miss TV mothers like Carol Brady and Florence Evans.  Olivia regularly checks out TLC and feels bad that Jon & Kate Plus 8 divorced.

Loverman and I had a good laugh at the spot Olivia put me in over that damn commercial and he went on to tell me that when he was younger and asked his mom to explain things, she would often tell him to go and look it up.  Looking it up for Loverman would sometimes require him to go to the library, scour the card catalog and sometimes ask the librarian for assistance in understanding the Dewey Decimal System before he found the answer.  Oftentimes, Loverman said the thought of having to put forth such effort would diminish his need to know.  Now, when we tell Olivia to look it up, she grabs her netbook and googles the answer she’s looking for in less than 10 minutes.   Boy, have times changed!

She Did It!

She did it!  Miss Olivia placed 2^nd in her school’s 5^th Grade Science Fair and to say Loverman and I are pleased, as punch would be an understatement.

It’s mandatory for all 5^th grade students to participate in the school’s science fair.  The kids are provided with an outline detailing the 10-week process and to be honest I was intimated when I first reviewed it. Loverman and I have artistic spirits.  Science isn’t really our thing, but being that this project represented a huge part of Olivia’s science grade, we knew we’d have to dive in with our girl to support her through this process.

Olivia decided to stick close to home with her experiment.  She wanted to learn if dog saliva prohibited bacteria growth better than cat saliva. She swabbed the mouth of our dog, Zoey, and our cat, Max; mixed each sample with a bit of Yannick’s toe-jam and after just two days, we witnessed the explosive growth of bacteria in the Petri dish with the cat saliva.  Let’s just say, you really don’t want to be licked by a cat. Olivia tracked the changes in the Petri dishes daily and we took lots of photos.  Once finished with tracking the results, Olivia had to create a display board that illustrated her process and the results of the experiment. 

The display was due on Mon., Dec. 7 and the science fair was scheduled for Weds., Dec. 9^th.  Olivia meticulously wrapped her display in a huge trash bag before heading to school on its due date.  I felt good when I saw her confidently walk into school with the project and I couldn’t wait to hear how it measured up to the other projects.  When Olivia got into the car after school, I was bursting at the seams in anticipation.  She seemed pretty nonchalant about how her experiment stacked up to her friends’ projects, in fact, she was genuinely impressed by the efforts of most of her classmates.  It looked like I’d have to wait until Wednesday’s science fair to see for myself.  When we finally got the science fair, I saw quite a few of interesting projects, but Olivia’s definitely stood out and was one of the better-executed projects.  We learned later that evening that the winners of the science fair wouldn’t be announced for a few days, but I was very confident she’d get a good grade.

At the end of last week, I began to think the school would never announce a winner and pretty much put it out of my mind.  It wasn’t until Olivia came beaming into my office on Wednesday that I thought maybe she had received word about the science fair.  She proudly presented me with a bright red ribbon emblazoned with 2^nd Place Winner.  Whohooo!  Olivia gave me the details about how the winners were announced and how hearing her name being called caught her by total surprise.  She even mentioned how some of fellow students were “haters” and tried to undermine her win by making snide remarks. 

Whatever!  There’s absolutely no shame in her game… Miss Olivia worked hard and is deserving of this win.  It’s not just that she placed, but it’s also great she’s being recognized for putting forth a lot of effort and doing her best, especially after a few disappointments this summer and hearing me and Loverman go on and on about how winning isn’t important all the time--- this affirmation of her efforts will go a long way in bolstering her self-confidence and let’s be honest… it’s so much more fun to win at least some of the time!

Under Pressure

I have a dilemma.  Olivia wants to start reading the Twilight series and see the movies and thus far, I haven’t allowed it because at only 10 years old, I don’t think the series is age-appropriate for my girl. 

I’m an avid reader and Olivia is also becoming an avid reader and that makes me ecstatic.  On one hand, I’m happy she’s interested in reading the books, but on the other hand, I have to mediate her choices. 

Last year, I spoke with Olivia’s English teacher about the Twilight books and she mentioned she had banned the books from the lower school.  She explained that a lot of the 4^th grade girls were reading the book and seemed to be obsessed with the books.  She also said that she didn’t think 8-10 year olds should be reading the books.  My reasoning for banning the books last year was bolstered by this teacher’s input and seemed to placate my dear girl for a bit, but with the media blitz surrounding the release of New Moon and all of her friends cackling about the book and the movie, she’s now doubled her efforts in getting my permission to read the books and see the movies.   Sure, I know I’m the parent and what I say goes, but my “It’s not age-appropriate” mantra is wearing thin.

I reached out to the same English teacher a few weeks ago and explaining the pressure I’m under, I asked if she thinks Olivia’s ready for the books. She offered a solution that absolutely won’t work for me… she suggested that although she still thinks the series isn’t age-appropriate for Miss Olivia, that maybe Olivia and I could read the series with Olivia and by doing this, I could mediate how Olivia processes the story and the subtext of non-sexual sexual tension between the two main characters.

O.K., as much as I’d like to think I’m that kind of mom, willing to sacrifice my beloved reading time to bond with my beloved girl over the tales of the Twilight saga, I don’t think it’s going to happen.  I’m way too selective about what I read and I’ve never been into vampires.

Fortunately, another teacher from the kids’ school recently posted her favorite books for African American middle school students on Facebook.  Thanks Tr. Ericka… this list is right on time!

My Top 10 African American Books for Older Readers

Here are my favorites for older kids (5th-8th Grade) I have read these books, or used them in lessons when I instructed a Civics Class and Enrichment Classes for 5th-8th Grade. I think that this list may be a mix of Fiction and Nonfiction, I really liked some in each category.

1. Eyes on the Prize-Juan Williams and Julian Bond-NONFICTION

This book literally changed my life. My grandfather gave this book to me when I was in the 8th grade, and I read it until the book practically fell apart. IT'S A SERIOUS BOOK, so it's not light reading, BUT it's got amazing detail and black and white imagery that you won't ever forget. SOME GRAPHIC PHOTOGRAPHY.

2. Freedom Riders-Ann Bausum-NONFICTION

The Freedom Riders remain some of the most heroic and fearless individuals to ever be forgotten about by American History. This book discusses the Freedom Rides that took place all over the country, to test the enforcement of the Civil Rights Act, in detail. SOME GRAPHIC PHOTOGRAPHY.

3.Miracle's Boys-Jacqueline Woodson-FICTION

I think that Jacqueline Woodson might have her finger on the pulse of the African American Urban Adolescent. Miracle's Boys is a book about loss, forgiveness, redemption and the family bond that endures. Three boys deal with the harsh realities of life in NYC, they must learn to depend, and forgive each other, and themselves.

4. Locomotion-Jacqueline Woodson-FICTION

This book is written in journal form, a POWERFUL tool for a middle school student to understand and utilize. Lonnie uses writing to come to terms with what is happening to him and his sister.

5. Bird-Angela Johnson-FICTION

An interesting book about a young girl and how she follows her stepfather, convinced she can make him return home.

6. Brown Angels-Walter Dean Myers-POETRY/PHOTOGRAPHY

You read right-Walter Dean Myers! I love this book-it is definitely angled toward the girls, but it's filled with beautiful and diverse images of young girls and boys. The poems are endearing and the photography shows all the beautiful shades of black and brown.

7. Monster-Walter Dean Myers-FICTION

This book has SERIOUS CONTENT and may be too much for anyone younger than 7th grade. It's a novel written in mixed media, some of it as a journal, others in the form of a movie screenplay-as a youth that is charged withand incarcerated for a serious crime, tries to come to terms with reality, and the consequences that can result from one bad decision.

8. Love that Dog-Sharon Creech-FICTION

A boy that hates poetry learns to use it as a tool of expression, and a tool for helping him deal with a traumatic event that he finds difficult to remember.

9. Change Has Come: An Artist Celebrates Our American Spirit (Speech by Pres. Barack Obama, Illustrated by Kadir Nelson)-Poetry

Kadir Nelson's personal reflections on the amazing and historical words of Barack Obama through artistic expression. Beautiful, reflective and empowering.

10. Witness-Karen Hesse-FICTION

This book is exceptional as it uses perspective to examine what happens to a small town in the 1920's when the Klu Klux Klan arrives.

*As a resource for your young historian who asks you questions you can't answer...

A Young People's History of the United States-Howard Zinn

A true and factual handbook for any truth seeking young history buff!

THERE are many, many more-but these are the tried and true that I have read, and would purchase for any of my friends children, as well as my students. Again, they are generally for middle school. As the content begins to mature, you have to be careful what you expose the "tweens" in your life to, let them be young as long as they can....I'll keep you posted on anything else that I come across.

An Upside of Tweendom

At 10 ½, Olivia is moving full-steam ahead into tweendom and yes, I often find myself taken aback when I or her brother or Loverman find ourselves face-to-face with one of her seemingly unprovoked funk-isms.   Sure, I understand she’s maturing, growing, changing, but like my grandmother used to say… “Miss Thing is really smelling herself these days!”

One unexpected upside of this new and not-so improved Miss Olivia is her desire to earn some extra cash.  I’m not one to pay for things she should naturally be doing around the house, but I have agreed to pay her weekly for doing the dinner dishes. Yannick, not wanting to be left out, sweeps the kitchen floor when Olivia finishes and for a few brief moments, all is good in the world.

All I can say is... WOWZA! This little perk of growing up and wanting more responsibility has freed up my evenings and allows me to retire to my boudoir with a nice glass of wine in peace.

A Need to Wean

We take homework very seriously in this household--- come in the house after school, grab a snack and get down to the business of homework before any other activities commence.  This has been the Mango Tribe’s m.o. since Olivia started kindergarten six years ago. 

At first, I’d sit with Olivia and make sure she was following directions, completing the assignments neatly and had comprehensive understanding of the concepts being presented. It offered me and Loverman an opportunity to keep abreast of what she was learning in class. Olivia excels in school and now rarely needs the assistance of either Loverman or me in completing her homework.  When Yannick started kindergarten three years ago, he fell lockstep into our established homework rhythm. But, unlike Olivia, he hasn’t weaned himself off of needing my full attention in finishing his homework.  Olivia seemed the make a seamless transition from needing our help, to wanting to prove that she could do it well, all by herself.  Yannick on the other hand, acts as if beyond writing his name on his homework sheet, he cannot do one single thing unless I’m sitting right next to him and his little co-dependency act is getting on my nerves, because I’m confident brother-man can competently do his homework without mommy’s handholding and cheerleading. 

Now, if I mentioned this issue to Yannick’s teacher, she would encourage me to simply walk away from him and let him sink or swim, because their school’s always telling parents that the kids should be doing their homework with very little parental involvement.  But, I believe both Olivia and Yannick’s success in school to date has a lot to do with the expectations and support we provide as parents.  There is absolutely no way in hell I’d let Yannick turn in homework Loverman or I hadn’t reviewed. He’s 7 and his goal is to just get it done, whereas Loverman and I want it to be done well.  

Yannick’s daily demand that I sit with him during his homework ordeal is wearing me out.  When I ask (or sometimes bark) that he must do as much as he can before I’ll sit with him, he resorts to whining and that really works my nerves. It’s starting to become a battle and Lord knows, that’s not the vibe we want to set, because he has years of homework ahead.

How To Proceed?

Olivia came home about two weeks ago with her first 5^th grade writing assignment.  She was asked to write an I Am From poem.  I was pretty psyched for her because I often use the same as a writing prompt in the workshops I facilitate with young people.

The assignment included three components:

1. completing a graphic organizer                       due Sept. 18

2. rough draft                                                      due  Sept. 23

3.  final draft                                                       due Sept. 25

Olivia dove headfirst into meeting the requirements and crafting a poem, which represents how she sees herself and our family.  She met all of the deadlines and was looking forward to sharing her creation with her class when I dropped her off at school last Friday. But, when she got in the car at dismissal time later Friday afternoon, I could tell something was wrong.  Olivia explained that everyone enjoyed her poem, but her teacher would be taking 10 points off her grade, because she hadn’t submitted her graphic organizer with her final draft.  I listened, and assumed maybe she hadn’t read the assignment directions thoroughly and thus, was forced to deal with the consequences.  I repeated the mantra Loverman and I had heard just days before at Back-to-School Night… “Your 5^th grader is growing up and will face new responsibilities as a middle school student.”  I went on to preach the importance of reading and re-reading the assignments to make sure she has a full understanding of what’s expected.  Olivia listened, but was still obviously disgusted with the hand she’d been dealt.

When we got home, Olivia headed right for her homework box and grabbed the assignment and after checking the fine print, she victoriously announced that nowhere did it state that she was supposed to attach the graphic organizer.  I reviewed the assignment and my girl was absolutely right.  Loverman and I suggested letting it go for the weekend, but once she returned to school on Tuesday, she could present her case to her teacher. 

Once again, my daughter got out of the car this morning confident of her position, and yet again when I picked her up this afternoon; I knew all had not gone well.  She jumped in the car hoppin’ mad because her teacher refused to change her grade.  I explained that even though I disagreed with the teacher’s decision, it really isn’t much more she can do, but my internal dialogue was singing another tune and I’ve been debating whether or not I should contact the teacher myself?  Fair is fair and girlfriend followed the directions, how was she to know that all of the elements should be submitted with the final draft? In spite of his not budging on the grade change, maybe this exchange with Olivia will encourage him to provide more detailed instructions next time? Overall, she’s been really enjoying the new rhythms of being a middle school student and I do want her to know how to address issues that pop up on her own… not every situation requires my mama bear routine.  To be honest I really don’t want to start the new year off on a cantankerous note with this teacher, but fair is fair, right?

Peeking Back at Me

This morning as I was rushing to get the Mango Tribe out the door and on our way, I caught sight of my big toe peeking out from my shoe. I was taken aback because for a split second instead of my toe, I saw my grandmother, Nina’s, toe staring back at me.

Nina died 29 years ago and as I get older, I recognize more and more of her physical traits in me and even some in Miss Olivia. I’m built like Nina… short in stature… busty… with small hands and feet, and like her I have to buy my pants, skirts and dresses in the petite shop.

Nina and I were close… we were buddies, thick as thieves and seeing her (or my) toe this morning was such a welcome reminder of who/where I come from.

Catching a Glimpse

I had a fabulous weekend in VA Beach with Loverman! We drove down there to attend the Mid Atlantic Black Film Festival. The festival was ok, but what I got a kick out of the most was getting away for just 48 hours with my husband, sans the kids. We never take time away like we did this weekend. We always travel as a tribe of four and although I’m told all the time about the importance of spending time alone with your mate, these moments have been few and far between for the two of us. Well, no more! I’m absolutely giddy about how much I enjoyed myself with my husband. We had a great time talking about tons of things, not just about the kids… work… mundane stuff. We unexpectedly caught up with folks we haven’t seen in years, met new people… sort of felt like who we were before becoming parents to Olivia and Yannick. On our way home this afternoon, I felt completely sated because in those few hours away I was reminded how much I really dig this man and caught a glimpse of who we are in addition to being mom and dad.

Mixed Bag

Yesterday was finally the last day of summer camp at Freedom Theater and I couldn’t be happier! It’s been a busy six weeks for Freedom’s campers and their families. I have mixed feelings about my family's return to Freedom. For me, the experience has sort of been like being transported back to 1979 when I was a student at Freedom (three of the chief administrators of the camp also ran the camp when I attended), but mostly I’ve found myself completely frustrated by the organization’s lack of efficiency and preparedness.

Olivia and Yannick loved their time there this summer and it’s obvious they learned a lot. Both used muscles they never knew they had during daily rigorous workouts and as I posted earlier, Olivia somehow became coordinated and now moves rhythmically to the beat. Yannick learned to project when he speaks and it’s obvious his true place in the sun is definitely on the stage; and although he has tremendous role models, starting with the greatest daddy in the world, his time with Mr. Kareem and Mr. Khalil has also been invaluable, because as most folks know, African-American male teachers are rare in many schools. As part of their program at Freedom, the campers choose an elective and Yannick selected Vita Saana (African Martial Arts). His instructor was the incredibly strong Mwalimu Taliba and Yannick adores her. What an incredible experience for this little boy to learn to protect and defend himself by such a powerful woman!

The camp activities culminated with Freedom’s annual Moment of Sharing, an evening of performances by the campers. At the start of the day, we knew it was going to be a long one, because the kids had to be at camp at 8:45am and the day would be filled with dress and tech rehearsals prior to the performances. It was great to see the kids up on the big stage showcasing all they’d learned, but to be honest, the show went on for too long. The show started at 8pm and the curtain didn’t close until 10:45pm and we didn’t get home until midnight, only to have to be up by 7am to get them back to camp by 9am the next day. The Mango Tribe is exhausted.

As much as the kids enjoyed their experience at Freedom, Loverman and I are questioning whether we’d want the kids to return in the fall or even next summer for camp. My mom thinks it’s a no-brainer and we should just suck it up, but we found ourselves frustrated with some of Freedom’s administrative practices, feeling like our time and responsibilities outside of Freedom wasn't being respected. My biggest gripe is that we were usually given pertinent information at the 11th hour. A prime example is the kids’ participation in Freedom’s performance at the Please Touch Museum last Saturday. We were given less than a week’s notice about the event and instead of providing the rehearsal schedule before inviting the kids to participate, they hyped the kids up about the event, then informed the parents after we gave our consent that we would have to get the kids to early morning rehearsals for the five days prior to Saturday's performance. I don’t know about you, but in the Mango household, an hour earlier in the morning throws our entire morning routine into complete chaos, especially in the summer. The camp instructors and administrators don’t use email, their voicemail boxes are perpetually full and in addition to the substantial tuition, we were asked to participate in a fundraising campaign with the goal of every participant raising at least $75 and to sell five, $20 tickets for the Moment of Sharing.

I’m hoping a few weeks off and a little distance will provide me a bit of perspective. I’m sure part of my problem is that I was expecting things to ease up over the summer and it really hasn't. Maybe I need to understand that as my kids get older, their level of engagement in their activities will increase and I shouldn’t even expect a break. I'll try to focus more on the outcomes of their time at Freedom and remember that organzation's expertise is in preparing young people to perform well in life and in doing so, maybe it's o.k. for their administrative practices to be a bit lacking.

Miss Rhythm-Less Nation No More!

For years, Loverman and I privately referred to our dear girl, Olivia, as “Miss Rhythm-less Nation.” The girl couldn’t seem to hold a beat if you handed it to her on a silver platter. When she was four, we sent her to Philadanco hoping she’d get it together, but after two years, and little improvement, we moved on. Olivia’s blessed with so many other talents we didn’t worry about it and better yet, she didn’t seem to be stressed by her awkwardness on the dance floor either. At parties, she boldly bounds for the dance floor and dances to her own beat, not even recognizing she’s out of step.

Well… it seems like hubby and me can put our private nickname for Livy-Girl to rest, because during her time at Freedom Theater this summer, my girl has found the beat and she’s working it!

Yesterday, both Olivia and Yannick performed with some of their fellow campers at the Please Touch Museum and Olivia performed to Michael Jackson’s Remember the Time, and girlfriend was FIERCE!

It seems the older my little girl gets, the more I learn from her, because if it had been me, I probably would have shied away from dancing on stage in front of a lot of people, but not my Livy-Girl, she kept getting in the game and doing her best! Whatever “it” is that keeps her plugging along until she gets “it,” is something that I hope she holds onto forever.

A Teachable Moment

We had a “teachable moment” in the Mango household on Friday. The back-story is that the kids’ summer camp hosted a talent show on Friday, which culminated its annual “Spirit Week” activities. Both Olivia and Yannick partnered with a couple of kids in their respective groups, worked out some original choreography and auditioned and won a spot in the talent show.

True to form, Olivia worked her butt off. The two other girls in her group live close to us and they got together at least four times in the evenings leading up to the show. This is in addition to their daily rehearsals during their lunch break at camp. They pulled together a great dance routine to the clean version of the Black Eye Peas’ Boom Boom Pow. They decided on black leotard and tights, with denim shorts and black and white bandanas for their costumes.

I can’t really tell you about Yannick’s preparation for the talent show. He’d vaguely mention whom he was working with when asked and on the day of the show he threw a pair of black running pants and black t-shirt into his backpack, explaining he needed the close for his costume.

Olivia’s group opened the talent show and they put it DOWN! They had terrific energy, smooth moves, they hit all their marks. The crowd went wild. The three girls exited that stage knowing they did an awesome job.

Yannick and his crew didn’t hit the stage until well after intermission. By the time to host called them to the stage, I’d had my fill of well intentioned Mariah and Keshia knock-offs. The four boys came on stage with a confident swagger and not in the black-on-black costume Yannick left the house with in the morning. They wore white, sleeveless t-shirts they’d decorated with their names, birthdates and other info, and black workout shorts with a grey stripe down the side. Their fellow campers screamed their names like they were rock stars and when another Black Eye Peas’ song, Showdown, started they surprisingly looked like a real group with “real” choreography. This lasted for about two minutes, and then the piece devolved into a free styling frenzy until the high-energy Showdown breaks into a slow countdown, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-, at which three of the four boys would drop to the floor in a tight ball and the fourth boy would stride around the stage in slow motion. Once the countdown was over, the four boys would return to their chaotic freestyle. The crowd went wild every time the countdown hit and each of the four truly enjoyed their moment in the sun. When the boys were finished they got a standing ovation and as the youngest participants in the talent show, these cats left the stage feeling like kings.

As the talent show came to a close, we were surprised to learn the kids were competing against each other and awards would be given. None of the info sent home mentioned the talent show being a competition. First a few honorable mentions were acknowledged, and then the hosts went on to announce the 3rd place winners and guess what… it was Yannick and his boys! Olivia and I screamed our heads off as the little guys made their way to the stage to accept their prize. We then held our breath to see if Olivia would place. Unfortunately, she didn’t and she wasn’t happy.

Following the announcement of the awardees, the camp director went on and announced the winners for the Spirit Week activities and Yannick went on and was awarded an honorable mention for his Capt. Underpants costume. The charge was to dress as a unique superhero and Yannick wore his jock underwear (sans the protector) over his leotard and we pinned a pair of his boxers on the back of his Spider Man cape. Loverman wasn’t happy with his choice, but it wasn’t a battle I was willing to fight. I figured if he could sell, than good for him. Well… I guess he sold it because it was a big hit and once again the boy was making his way to the stage for more accolades.

It was a great day for Yannick and I was so happy for him, but my dear girl couldn’t understand Yannick’s good fortune. For her, it was as simple as she and her girls put in the hard work and should have at least placed. I tried to explain it isn’t always about hard work and even hard work doesn't always guarantee "a win." More often than not, there are other factors to be considered that are sometimes out of our control. Olivia and her partners in the talent show were at an immediate disadvantage as the opening act, and although they did a great job, they couldn’t trump the younger boys high energy and complete abandonment on stage. Yannick and his boys were the youngest performers in the show and the audience connected with their confidence and passion. There were only 3 or 4 acts following the boys and by the time the show came to a close, they crowd was still hyped by the little guys.

Although Yannick reveled in his glory, I’m happy to report he didn’t rub it in his sister’s face. In fact, he readily told her what a good job she did. He even offered to share his portion of his group’s $10 winnings… a whopping $2.50!

God Bless the Child

Earlier this week the details surrounding The Creative Steps Day Care’s raggedy experience at the privately owned Valley Swim Club in Montgomery County came to light. According to news reports, Creative Steps negotiated a seasonal membership of $1900 with the club’s management that would have allowed the campers weekly group swimming sessions. The campers at Creative Steps are predominately African-American and Hispanic and once they arrived for their first visit to the club on June 29, they were met with cold stares and a less than welcoming vibe. A few of the campers even heard at least three of the club members make disparaging comments about the campers’ presence at the pool. Following this initial visit, the swim club suspended Creative Steps membership and offered to refund all of their money.

The camp doesn’t want a refund, but to offer their campers a weekly opportunity to play in an outdoor pool in a safe and clean environment. The president of the swim club has apologized but insists that his mostly-white membership are not racists, but has been told by some of the members that the campers presence at the pool will change the “complexion” of the pool. WTF?

This story has gone viral on the internet and received worldwide media attention. Although it’s apparent to me that the club’s reaction smacks of racism, I do think it’s important to offer a slightly broader perspective. As a board member of the nation’s oldest privately-owned African-American swim club, the Nile Swim Club, I know first-hand that allowing access to the pool’s facilities and amenities can sometimes cause tension between our membership and seasonal guests/rentals. But, the Nile has a robust camp program and we welcome over 200 campers to our pool daily, Monday through Friday. The camp program is a vital earned-income stream for our facility and we often find ourselves having to explain to our members the importance of our camp program in offering financial stability to the institution. Communication between our board and membership is key.

The Nile was founded 50 years ago because the Yeadon Swim Club refused membership to African-American residents of Yeadon, PA. My grandparents, Walter and Veronica Nelson, were a part of the founding group in 1959. These members decided to pool their resources together and build a club where they could come with their friends and family and feel welcome, instead of spending their money in legal action demanding that the Yeadon Swim Club become integrated. Now, 50 years later, the Yeadon Swim Club no longer exists and the Nile is still offering a respite for families and campers in the surrounding area.

It’s a sad moment for parents when they witness their children experience a real/ perceived racist act for the very first time. We all know it’s coming eventually, but when it finally hits, it’s like a punch in the gut and wears you out. You have to take a deep breath and do your best not to let the incident become a defining moment, but preparation and ongoing conversations are required because it’s still a fact of life for children of color. I faced a similar moment like the parents of the Creative Step campers earlier this year with an incident between Miss Olivia and a parent of a soccer team of an opposing team in a neighboring league, which included the parent referring to Olivia as that little colored girl with those dreaded things in her hair.

There was a call for folks to gather today in front of the Valley Swim Club and march in protest of their treatment of Creative Steps. Me, I’m not down for marching in this instance… no, I’m taking a page from my family’s history book and I reached out to Creative Step and invited them to join our program at the Nile. To be honest, I could care less about the Valley Swim Club and their raggedy, lily-white club… they can keep it. I’m confident their exclusive policies will lead them to the same demise of the Yeadon Swim Club. God bless the child that got his own.

Mama Needs a Break!

Day 3 at the New Freedom Theatre’s Performing Arts Camp has come and gone and I’m happy to report… so far, so good, both Olivia and Yannick seem to be really enjoying themselves. Each day when I pick them up at 4pm they’re both hyped with plenty to share about what they learned in their various classes.

I’m happy for them, once again grateful for how seamlessly they embrace new experiences. I’m also surprised by how little seems to have changed since I attended the camp. Some of the same teachers are still teaching the acting and dance classes; latecomers still have to do 200 jumping jacks before joining their group in the morning; and the older campers are still allowed to head out at lunchtime to grab a bite at one of the fast-food joints along Broad Street.

One aspect I don’t remember is the daily homework assignments. It doesn’t seem mandatory for all of the counselors to assign homework because thankfully Olivia’s teachers have yet to request anything, but Yannick’s teacher, Mr. Kareem, has given them written tasks to complete the last three days and to be quite honest it’s working my nerves. I don’t think this cat understands what completion of these assignments entails and to be honest, Loverman and I haven't been able to identify the relevance of what's been requested. During the school year, we take homework really seriously and there’s no TV, video games or going out to play until all homework is done. Both Loverman and I work with the kids to make sure they get it done correctly and have a handle on what’s going on. As a soon-to-be 5th grader, Olivia doesn’t need much assistance, but it’s a different story with Yannick. He likes one of us to sit down and work with him and by the end of the school year I was readily looking forward to a break in the daily homework grind. But no…it’s only been 2.5 weeks since the school year ended and here I am again, helping the little guy with his spelling and penmanship. Damn!

Being Mindful

So, we’re back at the Nile Swim Club this summer and this year it seems like we’re spending a lot more time at the pool because I’ve been appointed to the board and have been handling the coordination of the summer camps and facility rentals. Olivia picked right back up where she left off last summer and is swimming like a fish. Yannick is doing pretty good too and has been working on treading in 5 feet.

Most of the same lifeguards we had last year have returned and even though I remember them being playful with my two kids last year, this year I notice something a little different. I think my 10 year-old little girl may be flirting just a bit and enjoying the playful attention a tad more than I’m comfortable with. I’m not only one who noticed it either, my mom commented on it while she was hanging out with us at the pool the other day.

I’m not sure how I feel about this and I'm trying not to overreact because she isn’t acting inappropriately or anything, but I do want to make her aware that she’s growing up and mindful of what’s she’s projecting. I'm getting the sense that the hard work of raising my girl is really about to begin.

Days of Freedom

Tomorrow, Olivia and Yannick begin the same six-week summer camp program at Philadelphia’s Freedom Theatre, the same summer camp that I attended through my preteen and teen years. I’m both excited and apprehensive for them because this program ain’t no joke, but I know when it’s all over they’re going to be all the more sharper.

Freedom Theater will always have a special place in my heart because my experiences at Freedom and the life-lessons I learned during my time at Freedom inform so much of who I am today, but Freedom’s bold, uncompromising methods will be a wake-call for both Olivia and Yannick. I wish I could be a fly on the wall the first time Miss Pat walks in and demands 200 jumping jacks. Hell, until two weeks ago, my kids couldn’t even do 10 jumping jacks without bouncing and bobbing all over the room. And, I don’t think it’s because they’re uncoordinated, it’s just because instead of having a traditional gym class at their school, they have a movement class. I’m happy for even that, given the state of many of our school systems that have eliminated gym or physical activity all together.

But, all that ends tomorrow because Freedom’s rigorous program will immerse the two of them in theater, movement and vocal arts and I’m sure after 7 hours at Freedom, they’ll discover muscles they never knew they had. Shoot, I wish I could join them over the next six weeks, because during my days at Freedom, I didn’t have any weight issues and physically, I felt invincible.

In spite of Freedom’s stellar reputation as a premier Black theater in the country and training program, it has had a tumultuous time financially, but through all of their crisis’ they have maintained their performing arts school and summer program, and because of the organization’s fortitude, I am now able to watch the magic they're sure to work on my two children.

Freedom’s summer program seems to have changed very little since when I attended almost 29 years ago. At the camp orientation, both Olivia and Yannick were assigned a monologue they have to deliver for their camp placement tomorrow. I vividly remember the anxiety I felt each year preparing for these placement auditions….butterflies in the pit of my stomach, my voice shaking as I begin the monologue in front of three instructors seated behind a long wooden table in the front of the room… and finally, having to sing a song after I completed the monologue, because although I can do lots of things, I absolutely cannot sing! Despite all of this, I cherish my time at Freedom because I know it prepared me for life, because it was not really about preparing me to be a performer, but to perform at my best at whatever I’m doing, and that’s exactly what Loverman and I want for the both our babies.

Mrs. Diggs Lemon Bars

It seems like I’ve been writing about desserts a lot lately, but a few weeks ago I was given a recipe I’ve been trying to get my hands on for over 20 years. The recipe is for Mrs. Diggs lemon bars.

Mrs. Diggs was the grandmother of my college roommate, Wende, and she used to send us these heavenly lemon bars meticulously wrapped in wax paper and packaged in a wrapped shoe box. They were always delicious and although Wende and I haven’t really kept in touch, I’ve never forgotten those homemade lemon bars.

In spite of the increased distance between Wende and I over the last 22 years, I have stayed in touch with her mother, Judy. I spent a few days with Judy in March while working out of town in D.C. and at some point during that visit I asked her if she had the recipe for her mother’s lemon bars. Judy said hadn’t thought of those bars in years and didn’t know the recipe or if her mother had left a copy anywhere. A few weeks later as Judy prepared to come and visit us over the Mother’s Day weekend, she unexpectedly found her mother’s hand-written recipe for the lemon bars while flipping through an old Better Homes & Gardens. Judy proudly presented me with the recipe the morning of Mother’s Day. It was such a wonderful surprise.

A few days later, Olivia and I tried the recipe and I’m happy to report they’re as delicious as I'd remembered. We made another batch this afternoon and it’s really the perfect soon-to-be-summer treat. Thanks to Judy and the spirit of Mrs. Diggs for looking out!

Mrs. Diggs Lemon Bars

Ingredients
1 cup of flour
1/3 cup of sifted confectionary sugar
1 cup of granulated sugar
2 teaspoons of all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon of baking powder
¼ teaspoon of salt
3 egg whites, lightly beaten
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 ½ teaspoon grated lemon peel
½ cup of fresh lemon juice

Heat oven to 350 degrees

• Combine 1 cup of flour and 1/3 cup of sifted confectionary sugar; cut in butter with a pastry blender (or use knife) until mixture is crumbly.
• Lightly grease 11”x7” baking dish.
• Press crumbly mixture into the bottom of the baking dish and back for 20 minutes. Watch carefully.
• Whisk together granulated sugar and the remaining ingredients.
• Pour over crust.
• Bake again at 350 degrees for another 20 minutes or until the filling is firm.
• Remove from oven and let cool completely.
• Cut into squares, remove from dish and sprinkle with confectionary sugar.
• Makes about 2 dozen.

Hijacked!

Yesterday was my birthday. For days Loverman asked what I wanted to do on my special day, and I kept assuring him I just wanted a nice quiet day with him and the kids. I meant it having just returned from five days out of town co-facilitating a digital storytelling workshop.

The day started just as I envisioned with the opening of birthday cards and gifts. Loverman then fixed a great breakfast and I got ready to go the day spa for a relaxing mani-pedi. Later in the afternoon, we’d be heading to Allyson’s for little birthday bar-b-que.

As I was getting in the car to go to the day spa, Olivia ran up to the car window with her friend, Jessica, asking if Jessica could join us for dinner at Allyson’s. My internal response was—“NO!” because I didn’t want the responsibility of keeping an eye on someone else’s kid on my birthday, but of course I couldn’t say all of that with the dear girl standing right in front of me, so I sucked it up and said, “Sure.”

When I returned home, completely Zen-ed out from mani-pedi, Jessica and Olivia were checking out a movie in the living room. Yannick was nowhere in sight. Loverman explained that Yannick was playing with Jeffrey (Jessica’s younger brother) at Jeffrey’s house. About a half an hour later, Yannick and Jeffrey popped into the kitchen, both sucking on juice pouches. Before I could even ask what they were up to, Yannick asked if Jeffrey, too, could join us at Allyson’s. Again… what the heck was I supposed to say with Jeffrey standing right there? For the second time on my special day, I sucked it up and said, “Sure.”

Really, what could I do? Fortunately, both Jessica and Jeffrey are nice, polite and absolutely no trouble. It’s just my nice, quiet birthday with family seemed to be morphing into a totally different scene than I’d anticipated. That’s right, a pair of 7 and 10 year olds just hijacked my birthday plans.

So, I called Jessica and Jeffrey’s parents assured them we’d be home before 10 and wished them a nice evening alone, without the kids. Lucky them!

To be honest, everything worked out fine. I had a great time. The four kids were no trouble. In fact, I’m sure Jessica and Jeffrey’s presence kept the kids out of our hair and everyone was happy and able to enjoy themselves. But, believe me… one of the first things I’m going to do today is have a conversation with Olivia and Yannick about the importance of checking in with us prior to extending invitations to their friends.

If Not Now----- When?

I need some insight…. according to Olivia, most of her classmates have cell phones, and she’s been badgering me and Loverman to let her join their ranks.

Olivia just turned 10 and is in the 4th grade. Besides being cheap and in no rush to assume another monthly expense, I can’t seem to process what in the heck my girl would do with a cell phone other than create inane reasons to call her girlfriends. We take her and her brother to and from school every day. We’ve yet to find ourselves in a situation where we needed to get in touch her and couldn’t.

I’m clear on why she doesn’t need a phone now, but I haven’t been able to get my head around when is the right time/age? For now it seems a phone would be necessary if she would was traveling alone on a daily basis. I know pay phones aren’t as prevalent as they were when I was a kid and I think if Olivia was traveling alone (or with her younger brother) on public transportation a cell phone would be useful, but unless I’m missing something, I still have a little more time before I have to cross that bridge.

Hooray for the Nice Girls!

Miss Olivia is turning double digits tomorrow. I can’t believe it and she can’t wait. As most mothers, I can remember every detail about the day she was born.

Yesterday we had a jewelry-making party with nine of her girlfriends. My mom taught the girls how to make beads using polymer clay. Each girl made a focal bead and used an assortment of filler beads to make bracelets. It was a gorgeous day and everyone seemed to have a great time.

My mom often teaches polymer clay workshops to school-aged children and she was really impressed with how well behaved and open everyone was to learning something new. It was my first time seeing my mom in action and she’s incredible. Managing a group of 10 nine and ten year olds isn’t easy but she kept them engaged in the process and everyone left the party with a great looking bracelet.

All of the girls, except one, Miss Jessica, go to school with Olivia. Jessica is our neighbor. Prior to the party, Loverman and I stressed to Olivia the importance of making Jessica feel welcome among all of her school friends. Olivia assured us she would and I have to say everyone was really warm and friendly with Jessica.

I was struck by how well everyone got along, how helpful and thoughtful the girls were with each other. It really got me to thinking about “mean girls.” Will any of the sweet young ladies who spent yesterday afternoon with us turn into a “mean girl?” You know what I mean… when will the competitiveness, pettiness, judgment and jealousy set in? Will the day come when they are no longer friendly and accommodating to each other? Is there any way to ensure sweetness I saw them exhibit towards each other? I sure hope so, but if not, what sparks the change?

Spring Has Sprung!

Today is March 21, the first full day of Spring, and yes, Spring has sprung and so has the funk. Earlier today, I was working in the kitchen with Miss Olivia and at some point I caught a whiff of her underarms, and my little girl to my surprise, was FUNKY! That’s right… a month before turning double digits and B.O. has settled in. We laughed, we joked and when I headed out to pick up Loverman a little later in the afternoon, I stopped by CVS and picked her up some Secret (Spring Fresh!)---- a mini-milestone sure, but a milestone just the same.

Happy Spring!