A Shoutout to My Girls!

I had a great weekend. My girl, Tam, and her family traveled from North Carolina to Philly for a wedding and spent the night with the family and me. Tam and I go all the way back to freshman year in college and we’ve remained tight ever since.

Our friendship really deepened when she moved here for a job in the mid ‘90’s and we navigated our way together from single to married women and eventually mothers. I love her and consider her one of my closest and dearest friends. About two years ago, Tam and her husband decided it was time to move from the big, bad city and return to her Southern roots, a bit closer to her parents and sister. Being that I live close to my family and honestly don’t know how Loverman and I could do the hoodoo that we do without their support, I completely understood their decision to move, especially after the birth of their daughter, Mali.

Around the same time Tam and family relocated, my girl Kim and her family moved to be closer to her family on the west coast. Kim and I have been friends since we were preteens and with five kids, she’s really my model for motherhood. Having both her and Tam move beyond a stone’s throw threw me for a loop. I remember feeling completely unanchored and incredibly sad.

I’m an optimist, so I tried to focus on the positive and spend more time with my friends who still live in the area. I even made a few half-hearted efforts to make new friends, but I soon learned that I’m too old to make new, good friends. At this stage in my life, most of my energy is focused on the kids and my husband and anything outside of this sphere usually just doesn’t get the attention needed to cultivate deep and abiding friendships. That’s not to say that I haven’t developed a few really worthwhile relationships, but most are rooted in my role as a mother.

In some ways, maintaining contact with my girls has been seamless. We chat regularly and email photos of the kids, but honestly, nothing can replace the physicality of friendship. Just seeing Tam, Kim, or even my girl Alexis, who now lives in L.A., makes me feel more like myself and don’t even get me started on not seeing their children on the regular. Kids grow and change so quickly and I just assumed all of our children would grow up together, but distance prohibits this and I think this may be what I miss the most.

My friendships with women have always been important to me. I’m an only child and the emotional intimacy and nurturing nature of sister-friends is vital to my mental well being and keeping me in check, making me a better woman, mother and wife.

Spending time with Tam and her family was wonderful, but these visits are always way too short and leave me feeling melancholy, reflective, yet thankful for all my incredible, dynamic, loving and insightful women friends both near and far. I cannot imagine my world without you!